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You drift off to sleep that night feeling confident that he'll call you for a second date. They range from the ridiculous to sensible and from issues he had with something about you, to issues he is going through himself. Keep looking, and remind yourself that every date you go on is just practice for the day you and the love of your life lock eyes.
By afternoon your phone's message icon is completely smudged from constantly checking for texts. Bottom line: Don't rip yourself to shreds, give away your power and assume responsibility.
After a fantastic third date with a new guy I’m very interested in–dinner, live music, and coming back to my place where we talked until am (did not have sex or even make out), he gave me a kiss and left without saying he’d call. This is one of the things that I know to be true about dating. What we see when we take the 35,000 foot overview on your love life is that it’s really, really rare for a relationship to take off. As for the women who I really connected with, I “committed” to probably ten women in that time. Yet a man is a player or a liar or a jerk for not being sufficiently interested in you. If he’s interested in you, he’ll follow up in a couple of days, max. Your level of interest in him is entirely irrelevant. It’s called “Why He Disappeared” and if you struggle with the same issues that Ashley does, it’s probably time for you to pick up a copy. And/or he might call you any day now as he’s just been busy.
Now I’m racking my brain to see if I did or said something wrong. How can I stay sane while waiting to see if he’s going to ask me out for this weekend? It’s a big ol’ revolving door – and it’s only our unrealistic set of expectations surrounding it that cause us to get hurt so frequently. Forgive me if I leap to a few conclusions, since I don’t know anything about you personally. How many men have you corresponded with on your dating site? If you’re like everybody else, it’s a trial and error. And the lesson to be learned is that, if this kind of thing happens over and over (and based on your emails, it does), it would seem to be prudent to not get too excited or emotionally attached to a guy until he’s called himself your boyfriend. I know with my hubby when we first got together he was just lousy at calling for a while.
Maybe he has something else going on in his life with work or family, and it's just not allowing him to make room for dating right now. We all get busy, and sometimes, your date gets caught up in his own life and forgets to call you back. Don't allow it to dent your self-confidence and make you fearful of going on future dates.
Maybe he has been on a few dates this week, and has met someone else in the meantime. Try to accept that he has too much going on in his life right now, and it's stopping him from dating.
It's enough to make you want to reach inside your head and smother your brain with your pillow to put it out of its misery. You show up at the appointed time and place for your first meet up, your pre-date, so to speak. You want to poke his eyes out with your fingernails.
You're beautifully groomed, dressed in a casually understated way, curious about whether this guy is as cool in person as he sounds from his profile and phone call. You then read our piece on Re-Thinking Hard To Get.
He walks in, and the sparks begin to fly immediately. By evening you start to analyze whether you revealed too much, or too little. You're still not sure if you should accept other offers to do things this weekend. The Dating Gurus are betting if you've been dating for a while then you've gone through post-date misery more than a few times.
Conversation flows easily, and maybe you even move on from your meeting spot to dinner or to walk around town. At the end of the date he tells you he had a good time, that you're prettier than your pictures, and that he'll call you. You review in excruciating detail what you said, what he he said. Maybe you shouldn't have told him about that bad date you had two weeks ago. You go out with your friends after work and drink too much wine. You force yourself to the gym to get your mind off him. Perhaps a better question to ask yourself: Why I would let myself waste all that mental and emotional energy, assuming blame for a dead-end date?
On your way home, you allow yourself to be excited. You call your friends and tell them you finally had a date with a seemingly normal, good-looking guy, and you could tell he was attracted. You stay up too late searching around Facebook, Instagram, checking to see if he's been active on his dating site. They talk you out of texting Boy Wonder to see what's up and to tell him how much fun you had meeting him last weekend. Waking exhausted with a headache, you question your sanity. Here's the deal--there are a huge range of possibilities why people don't choose to pursue or re-contact their date.
How many of those second dates turned into boyfriends? Should they rack their brains and obsess about what they did “wrong”?